I've Got A Brand New Jones

AMBER RILEY IS FUCKING FLAWLESS!!!!!!!

I swear to God, like…there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. She’s beautiful inside and out. And she dresses head to toe in regality with a bangin’ attitude and the sweetest personality.

Like…how does she do that shit?! HOW. DOES. SHE. DO. THAT. SHIT.

I swear on everything holy and humble that she is greater than my whole life. LAWD.

And let’s not even touch on the magic that comes out her mouth every time she opens it.

Lawd. LAWD!!!!!!!!

I’m 23, and I want to be her when I grow up. She’s everything. She’s so inspiring. LAWD!!!!!

Oh, and I’ll cut the fuck out of anyone with a bad word to say about her. I’ll carve yo bitch ass up like a jack o’ lantern. TRY ME.

brandnewjones:

Put the camera in my face!!!!

I WILL HAVE ALL THE SECKS WITH MARK SALLING.

THIS MAN HAS ALL THE ACCESS TO MY ENTIRE BODY.

IF HE SHOWED UP TO MY DOOR RIGHT NOW; I DON’T EVEN CARE WHAT HE WANTS; HE COULD BE COMING OVER FOR A CUP OF SUGAR FOR A CAKE HE’S BAKING FOR HIS SICK YOUNGER SIBLING; FUCK THAT: I’M GETTING NEKKID. YOU CAN HAVE THAT SUGAR WHEN YOU LICK IT OFF MY BAHDAY.

I NEED TO PUT MY HANDS ALL OVER HIS SCRUMPTIOUS BODY.

MAN LISTEN, I WILL WRAP MY LEGS AROUND HIS WAIST AND NEVER LET GO.

THINK I WON’T!!!!!!!

K, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Reblogging because I just refound this post, and I’m clearly crazy lmaoooooo

If Chord Overstreet knocked on my door right now, let himself in, and said, “Kim, I’ma need you to pop that pussy for a real goon,” I’d be like, “Would you like for me to put on some music before I hop to that, sir?”

I swear fo’ lawd, that Chord could get my entire vagina, my entire body. Like Burger King, he could have it his way.

I’d christen every single part of my apartment with our lovemaking.

Because honestly, his best look would be him wearing my vagina.

Mark Salling, you need to know my body is ready.

My body BEEN ready.

Ready, willing, and waiting for you to make sweet, sexy love to me.

Say the word, and I can make my pannies disappear. Magician. #aubreylyrics

Mr. Overstreet, I will sing you a song of seduction that will make your knees weak and your toes curl. I will carol, sir. I WILL CAROL, SIR!!!!

That is all.

Maaaaaaan, let’s go.

Let me not sit here and front like Chord couldn’t have me anywhere, any way, and any how he wanted me.

Look, I would discard all my inhibitions to make his penis happy.

I would ride that like Paul Revere’s myth.

I’d turn him out and have him coming back for more.

Think I won’t? Shoooooot.

Unfortunately, this has nothing to do with recklessness.

Why do people always feel the need to tell me that walking home at x time late at night or y time early in the morning is a bad idea and it’s “dangerous”?

These people also tend to have cars.

I don’t think people understand that I have shit to do, and I don’t have a car. Therefore, these two legs gotta get me where I need to go to do the shit I need to do. Are you going to offer me a ride? NO, YOU WON’T. So instead of lecturing me about the dangers of walking home by myself at 2 AM, why don’t you leave me alone?

I swear on life, I can’t live!

I would secks Mark Salling ALL NIGHT LONG.

It’s not even a game.

My body is his wonderland, and whatever he wants to do in said wonderland goes.

It’s his all goddamn day.

Have your way with me Mark. HAVE. YOUR. WAY.

Put the camera in my face!!!!

I WILL HAVE ALL THE SECKS WITH MARK SALLING.

THIS MAN HAS ALL THE ACCESS TO MY ENTIRE BODY.

IF HE SHOWED UP TO MY DOOR RIGHT NOW; I DON’T EVEN CARE WHAT HE WANTS; HE COULD BE COMING OVER FOR A CUP OF SUGAR FOR A CAKE HE’S BAKING FOR HIS SICK YOUNGER SIBLING; FUCK THAT: I’M GETTING NEKKID. YOU CAN HAVE THAT SUGAR WHEN YOU LICK IT OFF MY BAHDAY.

I NEED TO PUT MY HANDS ALL OVER HIS SCRUMPTIOUS BODY.

MAN LISTEN, I WILL WRAP MY LEGS AROUND HIS WAIST AND NEVER LET GO.

THINK I WON’T!!!!!!!

K, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

I would fuck the entire FUCK out of Mark Salling.

I’d ride him like motherfucking bike, yo.

I’d put my vagina all OVER HIS BODY.

I’d turn him all the way out, make him an addict.

Think I won’t, yo? THINK I WON’T?!

I just want to hold Chord’s face in my hands…just caress his beautiful face.

Then I’d kiss his nose.

And that’s it. For now.

Yeah, no recklessness…I think I did enough with Nick Jonas, lol

If Chord wanted it, he could fucking GET IT.

Every piece, every inch, every fucking morsel of my body.

He could do whatever he wanted to do with it; I won’t even care.

Two words and he could have it: “Drop em.”

And I’d be like “Yes, Sir!!!!!!”

And it’s on…

Like popcorn.

Like Dereon.

Like Louis Vuitton.

Like Chiffon. 

I’ve always wondered whether anyone has ever been interested in me romantically. Am I just that unloveable or am I completely goddamn oblivious?

How bout if you have any inkling of romantic or sexy time feeling for me, you just let me know? Mmmkay?

That’d make both our lives less sucktastic.

Mine moreso.